Even If I Fall by Abigail Johnson

This post contains affiliate links you can use to purchase the book. If you buy the book using that link, I will receive a small commission from the sale.

Title: Even If I Fall
Author: Abigail Johnson
Published by: Inkyard Press
Release Date: January 8, 2019
Format: eARC
Pages: 352
Genres: Contemporary, Young Adult, Mystery, Romance
Source: NetGalley
Reading Challenges: Lenoreo's 2019 AtoZ Reading Challenge, Lenoreo's 2019 Monthly Motif Challenge, Lenoreo's 2019 Netgalley and Edelweiss Challenge, Lenoreo's 2019 New Release Challenge, Lenoreo's COYER Winter 2018
Find it: Goodreads ✩ Amazon ✩ B&N ✩ Google ✩ Kobo ✩ iBooks ✩ IndieBound
My rating:

Blurb:

A year ago, Brooke Covington lost everything when her beloved older brother, Jason, confessed to the murder of his best friend, Calvin. Brooke and her family became social pariahs, broken and unable to console one another. Brooke’s only solace remains the ice-skating rink, where she works but no longer lets herself dream about a future skating professionally.

When Brooke encounters Calvin’s younger brother, Heath, on the side of the road and offers him a ride, everything changes. She needs someone to talk to…and so does Heath. No one else understands what it’s like. Her brother, alive but gone; his brother, dead but everywhere. Soon, they’re meeting in secret, despite knowing that both families would be horrified if they found out. In the place of his anger and her guilt, something frighteningly tender begins to develop, drawing them ever closer together.

But when a new secret comes out about the murder, Brooke has to choose whose pain she’s willing to live with—her family’s or Heath’s. Because she can’t heal one without hurting the other.

My Review:

I received a free copy through NetGalley in exchange for an honest and unbiased review/opinion.

3.5 stars — This one ended up being a little weird for me, b/c the thing I usually love most about a book is characters…read any of my reviews, it’s always about the characters.  Normally if I can’t connect with them, the book is just not going to hold my attention.  But this was my exception to the rule!!  Because truly, the exploration of what a family would go through in these circumstances was fascinating, and kept my attention.  Not to mention the mystery surrounding the murder!  I had many theories, and it was interesting to learn pieces at a time.  I fell for some red herrings, and definitely didn’t get it right in the end, but I appreciated the answers I got.

I have to say, if you’re going in expecting an epic romance (especially given that blurb), you’re going to be disappointed.  The romance was very much a background story.  And while it played heavily into Brooke’s journey, I would not categorize this story as a romance.  I kind of wanted more to be honest.

What we got instead was a story about a family struggling with something unimaginable.  I was sucked in right from the start, and I had a hard time putting it down.  There was a point where my attention started to wane, but that could have been just me (either that or the pacing could have used some help).

Brooke was a character that I simultaneously felt a lot for, and had a hard time connecting with.  I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but occasionally it felt as though she wasn’t consistent…like I couldn’t figure her out, and certain things didn’t fit.  She was so steeped in guilt, it was insanity.  And her feelings were often kept close to the vest, even from the reader.  The romance actually took me a bit by surprise as a result!  Because of the nature of their relationship, it’s not like other romances where you read about their crush and butterflies and stuff.  Their feelings for one another were mixed in with all these other feelings, and often the romantic feelings didn’t come to the forefront.  It’s hard to describe.  Obviously.  But I never really got a good handle on what they felt for each other or why…or at least not as much as I would have wanted if this book had been more heavily a romance.  I give it a pass because of everything else going on.

The book is full of very flawed characters.  They all make such poor decisions, and are constantly hurting each other.  It’s very hard to read about actually.  Even Brooke was hurting people, from her family to Maggie.  Which is why I’m still surprised I enjoyed the story so much.  But in the end I really did enjoy watching the dynamics shift in Brooke’s family.  When everything came to a head, it was satisfying to watch them start to figure things out and finally heal.  While I hated the way they hurt each other, I thought each of their coping mechanisms were completely believable, and I understood how they got to the point they were at at the beginning of the story.

So if you’re desperate for a romance, I’d give this one a pass.  But if the whole idea of how a family would cope when one of their own is guilty of murder fascinates you, then you’re looking at the right book.  Again, it didn’t have any of my usual go-tos, but it made me think a lot and feel a lot, so I call it a success.